Off Subject – Humor
enigma | Posted 7:16am 6. March 2006 Server Time |
A store that sells new husbands has just opened on 5th
Ave in New York City where women can go to choose a
husband.
As you enter the store there is a list of instructions
of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors
to the store and the attributes of the men increase as
ascend the flights.
There is however, a catch: you may choose any man
from a particular floor but once you choose to go up
to the next floor you can't go down except to exit
the building!
So a woman goes into the husband store to find a
husband.
On the 1st floor a sign reads: Floor 1 these men have
jobs.
She ascends to the 2nd floor where a sign reads: Floor
2 these men have jobs and love kids.
She ascends further to the 3rd floor where a sign
reads: Floor 3 these men have jobs, love kids and are
extremely good looking!
"Wow" she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
On the 4th floor a sign reads: Floor 4 these men have
jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help
with the housework.
"Oh mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still she goes to the 5th Floor and a sign reads:
Floor 5 these men have jobs, love kids, are drop dead
gorgeous, helps with the housework, and have a strong
romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but goes on to the 6th
floor and a sign reads: You are visitor number
31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this
floor. This floor exists only to prove that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the
husband store.
On the flip-side....
A new wives store has opened across the street.
The 1st floor has wives who enjoy sex.
The 2nd has wives who enjoy sex and have money.
The 3rd thru 6th floor have never been visited.
enigma
P.S. My next post will be humor for the ladies. |
arrowgance | Posted 1:26am 10. March 2006 Server Time |
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's
restroom, but it
had always been occupied.
The flight attendant noticed his predicament.
"Sir," she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of
the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had
promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP,
and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.
He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling,
he thought.
Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm
water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom
adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR
button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he was in a hospital. As soon as he opened his eyes, a nurse was
staring down at him with a smirk on her face.
What happened?" he exclaimed.
You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse.
The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under
your pillow."
MEN NEVER LISTEN!!!!! hahaha
---------------------------------------------------------------
Chinese Names
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter
about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan was involved in an accident.
Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his
way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an
urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
jmaclean | Posted 7:32am 10. March 2006 Server Time |
What's the difference between a hooker with diarrhea and an epileptic oyster shucker? An epileptic oyster shucker "shucks between fits".
Sojan | Posted 9:05am 10. March 2006 Server Time |
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A prostitutes stopping screwing you once you're dead.
jmaclean | Posted 12:04am 10. March 2006 Server Time |
This couple has been married for eighteen years, and they sleep in seprate beds. One night the guy is in the mood. He says "Hey honey why don't you come over to daddy and make lovey my little honey poo".
On the way over she trips on the rugs in between the beds and he says "Oh did you hurt yourself my sweet? Let me kiss it better my little honey poo" - and then f**ks her hard.
On her way back to her bed she trips on the same rug and he says "Ya clumsy bitch!".
jmaclean | Posted 6:25am 13. March 2006 Server Time |
One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.
Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up.
When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on.
He sat up and was flushed. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water.To his surprise, Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said "Did you like what you saw?"
Mike said "Yes I did."
She said "Well you can get more than that, but it will cost you $500."
So Mike thought about this financial situation and said "O.K."
She said "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then."
Mike said, "I'll see you then."
The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left.
Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today?"
She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did. "
Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."
jmaclean | Posted 6:26am 13. March 2006 Server Time |
I think that one might have gone too far. Alex can delete if he wants.
enigma | Posted 8:44pm 13. March 2006 Server Time |
jmaclean,
Absolutely not! - I haven't heard that one in a while! Thanks for bringing back memories of my poker nights at the neighbor's house!
Now one for the Ladies (as promised):
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my things up" "Oh! Please pack my new blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being the good wife she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish .But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box."
*** BUSTED ***
enigma
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